Just my thoughts, etched in words...

2011-08-07T07:29:00.004+04:00

As I was walking back from the dry cleaners close to my house today, it began to rain. It drizzled down bit by bit, and my speed became slower and slower. I love love love rain, but there is nothing I love more than getting totally drenched under it, down to the bone is more like it! What a feeling it is, is'nt it...to stand under the clear blue sky suddenly held captive to the beautiful, dancing grey hues....the vibrant sun swathed with pearly clouds ready to explode? As splashes of rain drops dashed on to my face, for a second I almost forgot where I was. I was suddenly oblivious to the world around me, to the sundry onlookers, to the screeching cars flashing by -totally unmindful of everything. I smiled to myself, and all I could feel was the rain cascading down my cheeks and the moist wind ruffling through my hair. I wished I could just soak up every bit of this liquid sunshine. I wished I could walk forever.

2010-01-08T19:38:00.003+04:00

Proud to be Indians, are we? Well, I don't think if any of us deserves to be humans in the first place! Not if you see how our very creed behaved with a dying man! I'm talking about the policeman who was left bleeding to death on the road after being attacked and his legs chopped off by assailants. And left alone, gradually being stripped off his right to live by whom- our very representives of power- two ministers and the Common Man, not alone but in bunches this time. We don't know how to respect human life and this comes as a flagrant reminder of how sinister our indifference has now become. I have always been a stout advocate of my country and my people, but today, seeing those graphic and gory images of the man begging for life, I am disillusioned and feel mocked at. Mocked at for believing in these very people. Insensitive and cruel, thats what we are becoming. Two people, the apparant epitomes of power and responsibility sit back and watch, as mute spectators! Are these our representatives? Are we expecting them to stand by us- in life and death? Who are they claiming to represent when they can't do anything but twiddle their thumbs at the sight of a man, an officer of their own machinery at that, writhing in pain, death hovering menacingly over him? How can a man's consience not torment him for being a dumb witness to site as heart wrenching as this?? Or we talking about an emotion that never existed?

And there were many others too who just did what they're best at- who watched, and watched- as always. The Common Man has always 'imagined' himself to be chained and restricted by God knows how many 'imaginary' bondages, a perfect excuse for not waking up and acting. But this?? This was not an instance where you could go back to your reverie and imagine that it never happened- most certainly not when you see a man being mercilessly whipped- by Death itself. If someone breaks the queue we're in, we fight- fist and mouth with him with the 'how dare you's' and with every possible invective, seething with anger on the apparent violation of our 'right'. And how do we react to a man, amputated, in a pool of blood, imploring us to help, to save his right to Live, to go back to a family and children that await him? We do react. We react with apathy, alienating ourlseves not only from that terrifying cry of help, but from our foremost responsibility- that of acting like a human. But we are proud to be the most superior specie on earth, are'nt we? God, I'm sure, thinks otherwise. He probably weeps at the folly of his own creation. Perhaps the Devil also scoffs at us.

2009-05-01T08:19:00.005+04:00

Hundreds of Gods. Millions of pujas. More often than not, one hears the abject "necessity" to perform a certain puja which will bring prosperity and well being. Then days later, one hears of another puja that proffesses to the same effect. Then another, and another. It is a viscious cycle that one finds being enmeshed in all the time. One is, but, forced to wonder. Are we really 'invoking' God to bless us with success or are we getting entangled in our insecurities? Is it the 'fear' of the unknown harm that might befall us if that one puja, and many, many after that, is not performed? More the unfounded fears, more the superstitions and false beliefs associated with it. More, and interminable.
What I would like to question is this- Is God really that ruthless that He won't wish his devotees their welfare by one sincere chant of His name, one prayer- unfeigned and earnest? Are those extensive rituals and innumerable ceremonies with their attendant paraphernalia the only way to please Him? Many of us,unfortunately, still allow ourselves to be swallowed up by such preposterous ideas, drowning deeper and deeper into the abyssmal pit of retrogressive and orthodox doctrines. When will we extricate ourselves out of it? If there ever is a right time, when will that be?

2009-05-01T08:00:00.003+04:00

How much of his own self does a man own? How often does he have to surrender to the wishes of another for the fear of being mistaken 'impolite' or 'disrespectful'? How many times is wanting to be in-charge of domains that are exculsively his own misconstrued as indications of being 'stubborn' and 'self centered'? When is free will appreciated and when is it insolent? Devotion- must one be 'directed' to its hows and whens by the whims of society or should he be unfettered, to practice, preach and even discard it if he so desires for how potent will that prayer be that has'nt come from the heart, but has been 'instructed'?

2009-04-29T21:49:00.003+04:00

It is a sad day today. My dog, Birdie, died. He had been with us for 13 years and was the fifth member of our family.
He will surely be missed-sorely.

2009-04-02T00:11:00.004+04:00

Uncle Sam leaves you baffled sometimes. The country that to many is the epitome of the "place they want to be in", of course is benign to visitors and soaks them in like a sponge. And this is where one encounters the biggest contradictions of all times. American people are quintessentially different from us, Indians. Americans are different from us in their approach to people, in the way they perceive family and friends...and strangers! Go to any shop and u will find complete strangers, people you would never even bump into, not even accidently, giving you smiles and acknowledging you like they've known since eternity! And that is something I commend them with. They really are friendly. Well, most of them! We, in India don't do that. Smiling at strangers, particularly men to women, is offensive for us. We like to mind our own business when we don't know who we're around! And here lies the greatest irony of the two cultures. We are apathetic to people we don't know, but we love our kith and kin- without any strings attached. Parents walking into our rooms without knocking is 'not an invasion of our privacy', like it is, here, in America. We walk into a friends place when we so like- and we don't need an appoinment for it. We arrive an hour early for dinner and we don't hear "its rude to be early"!

Americans might lead a more priviledged life, economically, than most of us do, but we are happier, much much more than them, because togetherness is what makes us happy-happy and content. It is'nt a question of "we" or "them" really, its just how different two societies can be, and how different the roads they take in life.

2009-01-30T04:32:00.000+04:00

A painting I made some time back

2009-01-30T00:57:00.008+04:00

IMAGINATION

History fascinates me. And so do its soulful renditions in brick and mortar-the monuments, forts and palaces remnants of a glorious past, a tragic end or simply an innocuous existence. Each stone living and breathing, dying to tell a story. A story of the fair maidens and princesses that once pranced gaily in the labrynthines of its halls, chuckling and giggling, their resplendently colourful chunris flirting effortlessly with the wind. The clanging of the anklets, the splendour of their bejewelled forms. The innumerable court intrigues, machinations at their best. The chicanery of a few, the valiance of the many. The brilliance of an artist and the dexterity of his fingers, the turning of a desolate stone into a structure of arresting magnificence. The imagination that created this grandeur, and the imagination that still keeps it alive. My imagination. Your imagination.

2008-08-14T00:09:00.002+04:00

I am a little foxed. And I don't know how to react to the reason why some news channels think Abhinav Bindra won the gold at the Olympics. Well, ideally, one's mind would meander at the excellent training that he might have recieved or the mental strength and brilliance of the man. But no. Those might, well, be irrelevant reasons. For all that we are being to made to believe and listen to is how the "stars" were in Abhinav's Bindra's favour. How the letter A in his name has actually brought him luck. This is a time when my senses can't even respond to such derision of a person's effort, I am so dumbfounded. When will we ever view something purely with the pragmatism that it warrants. Let the man rejoice in the glory of his effort, and not the fortuity of a name!

2008-07-22T08:47:00.005+04:00

Well, to say that addictions are easy to come by and tough to get over with will not really be expounding rocket science, but no less a truth nonetheless! I have been an addict to Orkut for about 2 years now, and I am still always glued to it! But, now I see no reason for it. There are hardly any interactions on Orkut anymore, the 20 scrap a day routine has shrunk to barely 4, the awe around it has gone and it is more of a page that must be checked everyday, rather than being actually looked forward too. To say that it has become more of a drudgery now will probably be a travesty of the entertainment it was once the fount of and neither can enthrallment be feigned further. But, loyalty does not wane off easily either and its grip is too tenacious to be fought against anyways! Time to buckle up, my friend, time to buckle up!

What am I doing right now, you ask?
Well, I was just signing into orkut before you interrupted me with your question!!

Some things don't change, do they? :D

2008-07-01T12:19:00.004+04:00

Well, by inference I may be called a shopaholic. And by experience, a thoroughly confused one.

A typical day -

Scene 1- Hear of a massive sale happening at a favourite store. Extreme excitement at the prospect of adding a million things to your wardrobe!! (Ah! State of extreme bliss!)

Scene 2- Go to the shop and look around.

Scene 3- Look around more...

Scene 4- Look around even more

Scene 5-Continue looking around (u might have missed a small handkerchief lying in the corner of one of the shelves for all u know!)

Scene 6- Finally, when the shopkeeper begins to feel you might be a shoplifter on the prowl, go and try and 3 things that you somehow managed to like

Scene 7- Realise(rather despondently) that nothing but one dress fits you

Scene 8- Wait in the long queue for an hour to buy that one flimsy piece of excuse for a purchase

Scene 9- Pay the bill and move out with the friend who accompanied you with a " I can't believe she bought just one thing in 4 hours!!" kinda look on his face!

So, here ends the day for me as also all my chances of getting my friend to accompany me ever again, any where! Sigh!

2008-05-08T08:31:00.003+04:00

Just as I start to write this, I realise I'm becoming more and more of a critic these days. But some things get to your nerve so much that you can't help but get unnerved. Well, this time its the K for Kishore show that I watch sometimes here. The show is ok in its own right. Good singers, nice Kishore Kumar songs and I am happy. But, but, but. What does Asha Bhonsle think she's doing in the show? One of the most credible singers in India is seen talking to Kishore Kumar. And this is not a case of someone falling into a reverie, or getting into a trance where they think they've found that connection with the people who were close to them and who are no longer there. This is something rather outrageous. Imbecile in a way. The producers decide to light a lamp close to Asha Bhonsle and she pretends to be talking to Kishore Kumar, one on one making her subtle gesticulations and facial expressions as though she's in deep conversation with him. Now that I found reeaallly absurd. One, do the producers think they are dealing with Morons who watch their show? And two, and this amazes me more, how could someone of Asha Bhonsle's stature agree to be a part of such an insane gimmick? Add to that an occasional voice of the great singer himself saying how well the contestant sang and how delighted he was to hear it! Bah! Humbug!

These guys talk of giving respect to their favourite singer and the only thing they eventually succeed at is making nothing more than a mockery of him. Sad, indeed.

2008-05-08T08:10:00.004+04:00

There is absolutely no cogent reason why my blog account should look like its owned by a slug! Well, considering the tardy rate with which I write these days, thats the only conclusion one can arrive at though! I guess its just my state of mind. Coz there are only 2 reasons why people stop writing. One, coz they don't seem to find enough time and two, they don't feel like. One by no means is true for me. For once in my life I have all the time in the world. Then, naturally its the second. I guess its my indolent state of mind these days thats keeping it from excercising itself! Not a good thing though. Everyday goes in making grandiose plans for the next day. The next day goes in trying to make a connect between the body and mind. The body just refuses to act. And so, the day again goes in making even more grandiose plans for the next day. A vicious cycle. I hope this lassitude does not get the better of me though! Now that won't be good!!

2008-04-29T22:42:00.007+04:00

Let me write something about the movie that has got to be the "Movie of the Year". The Movie of the year to be Dumped first into the trash! And the coveted title goes to Tashan. I have always asked myself, can man ever make something so hideous and senseless that the very thought of it provokes resentment from you. And now, finally my question has been answered. And the answer has come as Tashan! First, was it the Director's Tashan (style) to not have any story whatsoever in the movie that he thought he was going to make? Second, did Saif think that calling a girl 'Bitch' every time he breathed was Tashan? I, for one, was totally repulsed by such constant rebuke of what people thought, blasphemously, even remotelt stylish!

Kareena travelling under a hot, sveltering sun in the Rajasthan desert decides to cut off her jeans to a height where noone will know whether she's even wearing any! Akshay Kumar asks her what she's doing, rather aghast, and justifiably too! And guess what the girl has to say...."Tashan"! Gawdd!! Its just like throwing yourself into the oven to say, "See, I'm so HOT!!!":D If getting baked in the summer heat is what her style is, then God save her!
The funny part though was that these uber stylish people decided to go to Rajasthan from Mumbai through Ladakh. Did the Director just lose his compass or his mind too along with it?!

Then there's our very own Anil kapoor. He's past that age where he can play a lead, and he probably does'nt think himself to be old enough to be playing dad, so in every second movie we see him playing a don. Remember Welcome? Ok, no grudges against his choice of movies. But, then again, what on earth does he think he's doing in the movie? Plays a don, a killer, the most gruesome of criminals you can think of and has a fettish for learning english. But all that he manages to learn and rather effortlessly irritate us with is his UP version of some God forsaken engliss. Its a little amusing in the beginning, but the fixation with it is absolutely and undeniably irksome!

The best part however comes towards the end. The three protagonists(?) are locked in a barn and Anil kapoor throws a hand grenade inside it. A blast worse than what any atom bomb can instigate is cited, everything thrown to pieces. Except, yes, you guessed it right. We've seen too many movies to not get it right anyway! The three escape absolutely unscathed in a car that, by the way, is wrapped in fire that shows no signs of dousing. How supremely impervious!!

Sometimes, we retrace our steps and think of all the foolish and insane decisions we ever made in life. I did a retrospection of all the idiotic things I did in life too and no matter how hard I tried, I could'nt take away the esteemed title from one of my decisions. The decision to watch this movie.
Tashan definitely has no tashan.

2008-04-16T06:55:00.003+04:00

I am ashamed. I am ashamed of myself and all the people who were with me the other day at the theatre. Why, one is destined to ask. I'll tell you why. I was ashamed to realise (and this was'nt the first) what a farce our notion of patriotism is. Our National Anthem kept on playing and what were we doing? Doing our own thing is probably the lamest, yet the best way to describe it. People were laughing, joking, shouting. Doing everything that they wanted to do, everything other than what they 'ought' to have done. And what was I doing? I was playing the part of a mute spectator. I did'nt do what I should have done. I did'nt do what I was'nt supposed to do, but did I prevent the others from doing it? I did not. And I think that is where I failed. Failed on my own standards. And that is the only standard I find worth living upto. Why did I not have the courage to ask the others to give the Anthem the respect that it commands? Why did I just stare into nothingness, the nothingness that lay deep within my inner self?

Are you also someone like me, sometimes?
Are you happy being that someone?

2008-02-25T04:00:00.001+04:00

Was hearing Hillary Clinton speak at a Presidential Debate. She used a small phrase that I really liked- Nibbled to death. Just felt like writing it!

2008-02-20T03:46:00.003+04:00

I am addicted. Before you raise your eyebrows in suspicion, let me reveal to what. I am addicted to chocolate. Have been hogging on Ferrero Rocher since morning! And there are two more bars in my drawer that are pining to plunge out of it and into my mouth! At this rate, Rotund is what my body shape will become! But, on the brighter side, it'll save me the trouble of walking....just a push, and I'll roll over! No mehnat!! :D
Oh no! I can see the last piece of Ferrero Rocher longingly staring at me. Should I succumb?

2008-02-14T05:18:00.002+04:00

Ever since I was a little girl, I have lived in two worlds. One, the real one and the other, my world. The world of my fantacies. The world which gave fruition to my dreams, sometimes my hidden ambitions and desires. Come to think of it, I think I had an awesome imagination as a kid!

When I was very young, a doctor is what I wanted to be....for sometime at least! I remember having this big white shirt that an older cousin gave me that I used to wear everytime I thought I was an doctor. A doctor waiting upon imaginary patients, with imaginary ailments. I found it so exciting, with my make belief stethescope and everything curing the patients away to recovery...conducting surgeries and God knows what!
And then there was a time when I wanted to be a teacher! And all I would do was to correct answerbooks and grade them! The fact that magazines made up pretty well for these answerbooks can easily be ignored though! Sounds verrry strange and "how on earth did I do all that?!!" now, but that was the world that I lived in for a part of my life. And I loved it.

But the one thing that I remember with most fondness is something else. It has kinda seeped into my conciousness in a way, but that's because I produced 'documentary' evidence of it myself! When I was really really young, say in class 2 or so, and onwards, I made two friends. And those were a recoreder and a cassette that went in it! I still have it with me and my Mom loves playing it...though, its when we want a good laugh that we do that! :D Hearing it, I think I probably wanted to be an RJ, though I don't remember having that kind of an ambition really. Considering just how shy and reserved I have always been ( and believe me, I was worse when I was younger!), an RJ would have been the last thing I could see myself being successful at! But, but, but...these recordings were the most inherent part of me at a time when I was barely 7 or 8. I would hold shows of my own....about everything...from cookery shows....to dance recitals....to comedy shows...even News reading! Mostly everything!! I don't know why I did that, especially since I was so wrapped up in my cacoon most of the times. Maybe, that's how I vented out whatever little expression I had! I don't really know....maybe, maybe not.

There are so so so many things that I thought myself to be, so many situations that I though myself caught in that I can't help but laugh now at these idiosyncracies that I was always harboured within me. But, maybe I'm being wicked at doing it now. For, for little girl that I once was, this was the World.

2008-02-14T05:14:00.002+04:00

I wonder why I'm not writing these days! I have all the free time in the world I have ever had in my life and still I am not doing anything about it! God! I always knew I was lethargic, but to this extent?! Not cool!!

2008-01-16T22:59:00.000+04:00

I was just driving down the road the other day, the other evening is more like it though when I saw this vast splash of lights all over LA. And for some reason, my mind wandered to the first time I had ever seen so many lights, all at the same place. My father being in the Services, the early years of my life were spent in small towns and big houses. The small shell that we lived in was all that the world had my brother and I would think. It was a wonderful life though....relaxed and happy!
I remember we were coming to Delhi on a transfer from Dhanbad, a smallish town in (the then) Bihar. The shell that we had lived in so far was gradually opening.....and we sure were excited! Ok, not wavering from what we started with..the reason why my mind suddenly sprang to the past whilst in LA. The moment we reached the outskirts of Delhi, what met our eyes would have been just an ordinary part of someone else's daily humdrum. But, that huge sheath of light washing over the entire city...with the horizon gobbling it all up...was a site for us. And I remember my brother (barely 5 yrs old then!) almost shrieking with abject disbelief as to how many lights there were! I'm sure we made a great spectacle for all our co-passengers there! That was a time, and this is the other. LA is a very big city..and there are lights, lights and more lights..everywhere and anywhere that u can see. But these don't startle me the way the Delhi lights did...after all, a first is always a first!

2008-01-03T01:47:00.000+04:00

While driving down a Highway yesterday, I came across this hoarding that has got embedded in my mind, probably for ever. It had the picture of a 30 something boy, differently abled, on a wheel chair, being pushed by his father in running clothes. The hoarding read- " Dad's been behind him for eighty five Marathons. Devotion-pass it on."

Beautiful. Is'nt it?

2007-11-21T21:22:00.000+04:00

21st November '07!!

It is indeed a lucky day for both me and my brother, Aniruddha. Both of us got into our respective jobs formally today. I got enrolled with the Bar Council of India (and now I can convincingly and legally call myself a certified lawyer) and Aniruddha got placed with Standard Chartered. Quite a coincidence I must say, and a wonderful one too!! :)

2007-11-21T14:57:00.000+04:00

These days I've become so reactive and my behaviour so erratic that its not funny! Mood swings like I've never seen before! One moment I'm happy and chirpy, talking to friends and family, and the other vacant as if I've seen the ghost! I'm generally not like this..or so I shd like to believe! Why am I such a random person??! I've always prided myself on having good control over my mind and self, but that seems to be slipping away gradually......and that's not good. I don't even know why I'm writing all this, or what I'm writing for that matter....just came back from Court, everthing went off well, nothing untoward happened...then why am I feeling so perturbed?! Maybe I'm just tired and need some sleep!

2007-11-19T08:30:00.000+04:00

Jagjit Singh Concert

Went for a Jagjit Singh live concert day before. And it would be quite an understatement to say that I loved it. Yes, it was truly brilliant. I have always loved his ghazals but this was the first time that I was listening to him live, and he just made a fan for life!

He sang some of his old hits...ghazals that all of us knew by heart...infact, at one point he left the singing to be done by the audience itself, just giving a cue here and there. And for once I sang with relish too..it did'nt really matter that I was totally out of key since my wonderful voice got drowned with the rest!

Out of all the instruments in the world, the two I love the most are the tabla and the violin. One can never get tired of watching a tabla player create magic on the tabla...I've always been fascinated by the swiftness with which their fingers go! And what I love about them is the way they move their heads...with an absolute flourish, totally consumed by the rythm and beat of the tabla! And the violin!! Was never really that fond of it until I heard this guy play at a Parikrama Concert I went to while in College in Delhi..he was brilliant beyond description! And since then, I've kinda developed a ear for it....no other instrument can sound as meloncholy as this one.
And when you have two of my favourite instruments and some other equally brilliant ones like the flute, dholak and the keyboard in perfect jugalbandi, magic is what is born...especially when they reach that crescendo! The part that I love most about any concert!

Truly a fantastic experience.

2007-11-16T22:03:00.000+04:00

Saw Saawariya a couple of days back. And quite contrary to what everyone has been saying about the movie, I liked it! It is so fantastical that, yes, it does take you a little while to get used to what is happening, or even, why it is happening. It is a story about 4 nights, and therefore the only colours that one gets to see are shades of blacks and blues...with splashes of reds spilled here and there. Its quite a beautiful setting actually. Some fantasy world kinda thing..where everything seems to be happening at its own tardy pace. There is a general langour that permeates through the entire fabric of the movie.

Saawariya is a like a fable being told. Something surreal. The city that they've shown seems to be one out of Alladin's land....statues that have both domes, Buddha sculptures, walls that have Ajanta and Mona Lisa painted on them....now that kinda confused me a bit too! Where, amd what exactly is this place??

It runs like a play would. The story captured and told within the confines of one set. With just the 2 lead characters(most of the times i.e) in it. Maybe, thats because its night!
Its a beautiful movie. But why are'nt people liking it? Its probably because they don't understand it. Its about this Muslim girl who feels shy even when her ankle is exposed to the eye of the man she loves...its that subtle at times. And then, almost to a cutting contrast, you have Ranbir's character that is so full of life, that makes funny faces! Its Western and traditially Indian, all at the same time!
Its definitely not a typical Bollywood masala movie by any standards. Sad really for a movie like this to not be appreciated.

But Sanjay Leela Bhansali is generally known to take the extreme path. When he wants colour and vibrancy, he gives all that he can, and all that there is. And when he wants the opposite effect, its the same extreme again. I somehow liked the subdued nature of the detailing that the movie has. Everything very underplayed...

But, but, but, what I liked best were the 2 actors..they're absolutely fantastic! They both look good, and act well too! Although, all that I could find Sonam Kapoor do was weep or giggle, alternatively. She hardly has 5 lines to speak. But she's good.

Soooooo, I liked the movie, even though the world at this point would love to differ with me! I think one must not watch this movie if he/she wants Bollywood masala...its got too much class to be that!

2007-11-03T13:36:00.000+04:00

Both Saawariya and Om Shanti Om are releasing next week and I am in a fix! Well, the intellectual kind of dilemnas have often evaded me and nothing has changed this time either. My dilemna is which one to see first! I am a SRK loyalist and never miss any of his movies. Saawariya looks very fresh and rather inviting. And I kinda like both the newcomers too- Ranbir and Sonam Kapoor. The guy is quite cute I have to admit. I remember a friend asking me how I liked him, and I quipped, almost instantaneously, "He's cute, in a slightly demented kinda way!" I still can't fathom what prompted me to say that for such a decent looking actor. Maybe its the kind of insipid faces that the initial teasers saw him making. Ok, I take me words back. He's cute...in quite a ..umm..cute way ( My vocabulary has gone to the dogs..I've lost count of the number of times I've used this word today! Sigh!)! But, more than Ranbir, I like Sonam Kapoor...one of the prettiest faces I've seen lately, rather raw and exceedingly charming.
I'm also a little intrigued by what its going to be about. I believe its an adaptation of a Russian(?) play. The sets look rather make belief and unusual, and that has piqued my curiosity quite a bit.
So, on a chart of 5 stars for wanting to see this flick, I give it....all 5 stars!!

Umm...Om Shanti Om now- Shah Rukh Khan- the one thing enough to make me go and watch a movie. I loved Main Hoon Na ( I have a penchant for liking anything and everything that is visibly devoid of anything intellectual and thought provoking....show me glitz, glamour and lots of dance, and I'm happy!). And I like their new face too..Deepika Padukone is very pretty again. Gosh! I've committed the cardinal sin for any woman-praised another woman!! Two, infact!! :D
But, that oh-so-70's look- long tresses and boot pants look quite passe somehow..its got that been there, done that kinda feel to it, though I can't remember any movie trying that look off late, but still, does'nt seem too fresh...maybe because Farah Khan has caricatured that retro look many times before too in some of her songs.

Soooo....the most important question on which depends the future of the entire world, something that has bothered the US more than Osama Bin Laden too....is finally answered!! We shall see Saawariya first! :D

2007-10-16T19:24:00.000+04:00

What does it feel like when you can see the sand slipping relentlessly from between your fingers...when everything that you once held so dear to you, everything that mattered to you, evreything that formed the very essence of your life fritters away..right in front of you, and all that you can do is grope with your helpnessness to stop it from happening?
Life evolves, new changes spring up...new challenges show up..and you most readily accept them too..God must us all strong, and we must prove our worth...but, you gain some, and you lose some. Gaining is a wonderful experience, then why do we fret over things that no longer remain with us..maybe because what we gained is still new, unknown territory for us, still waiting to be explored...but what you lose is what you knew in all its hues-whites, greys and blacks. But should that prevent one from appreciating what we gained, what we have?

2007-09-27T20:45:00.000+04:00

There are just two things on the entire planet that can psyche me out. A dental problem and an eye problem. And unfortunately, today, I had a rather terrible experience with the former. Some problem in my gum propelled a visit to the dentist. Well, some things you just need to do even when you would give your right arm to keep them at bay....sigh! So, there I was, on that huge chair, my mouth wide open, counting my every breath, I was so sure I would miss some!
You know I have this terrible habit of asking the obvious. Every two seconds I would ask the dentist, 'will it pain?', 'will it hurt?'...Gosh! What was I doing? Expecting the doctor to say,'No, Sweetie, it wont....u'll feel like you're having an ice cream!!' Of course it'll pain, I could almost see the doctor shouting at me, nostrils flaring at this terribly irritating girl that, unfortunatly, happened to be me! I'm sure he was itching to wring my neck and end all problems, future and present!

Well, anyway, the process began without much struggle on my part..I need to maintain some semblance of dignity, don't I? After all, I am a grown up girl, even if I have to strain myself to behave like one. However, no exaggeration here, it was indeed painful. It is only when you're sitting at that ominously enormous chair, with that glaring light staring at you, those sharp and scary looking instruments all ready to invade your mouth do you realise ( atleast I do, because I always need to learn the hard way!) why you ought to have taken better care of your motiyon jaise daant, and why you have should have used the Laal Dant Manjan...alas! Too late...you're already at the anvil, and this cobbler is surely going to set you(your teeth in this case) straight!

While I was busy cursing my luck and thinking how terribly unfortunate and wronged I was, and why the whole world must now sympathise with poor 'ol me, there came this old lady to get her teeth extracted, three of them infact! Boy! Was she scared! For the first time ever did I see someone actually shiver and shake with fear! Her bosy quivering fro head to heal, her teeth stuttering incoherently. Somehow, her pain gave me the confidence to bear my pain. Surely, it was'nt bigger than her pain? And I could'nt allow my confidence and my strength to fritter away, infact, spill it with my very own hands? No, I could not and I would not. I braved the rest of the session without as much as a grunt (ok, I'm lying here, I did continue to grunt, but far less!). Tomorrow is another similar session at the dentist's...and what am I thinking now? Like Scarlett used to say, I'll think about it tomorrow!

2007-09-26T21:19:00.000+04:00

What, what, WHAT is wrong with Shah Rukh Khan?!! Seen the preview of his latest movie, Om Shanti Om? Muscles? And a six pack? And Shah Rukh?! Not happening for me! He's looking so aweful with that new look of his..long hair just does not suit him! He's been my favourite star for as long as I can remember. But this time, I hate to admit it, I do not like the way he's looking. He's started looking so old and haggardly now, and that is despite those crisp muscles and that toned body. Or maybe it is because of that! It just does'nt seem to be him anymore. I liked the SRK who had that gullible, charming look on his face...this supposedly rugged look, with those disarmingly long tresses...nah!!

2007-09-25T21:02:00.001+04:00

We are the Champs!!

Wow! India won the T20 World Cup! And what a nerve racking match that was! I am the last person on earth to watch a cricket match, and with the kind of frenzy with which I actually saw this one, forget it! But it was after all the World Cup Final, and that too against Pakistan! 3 hrs of cricket that just could not be missed!

And finally, everybody in India is happy. Our cricketers are back to being the demigods that they always become after any victory, and the public is back to eulogising them. I so wish this fervour, this devotion was not as ephemeral as it always proves to be though...a loss in a match is all it takes to turn the tables. The fans who are going gaga over Dhoni and his spectaular play today are those very protesters of yesterday who had created such a furore at his residence when India had lost the World Cup, rather miserably as it indeed was. Public memory is'nt short, its non existent. It lives in today and yesterday never existed.

Well, well, well...all said and done, and all that will be said and done tomorrow, the wonderful fact of the day is that India is the World Champion! And its raining cash for all the players! 2 million dollars! A crore for Yuvraj Singh, flats by Sahara! Pour in a couple more lakhs by the respective State Govts and you have a team that not only won the Cup and numerous accolades, but also a spilling bank balance! Phew!
When you're a sportsperson, more particularly a cricketer in India, either you have it all, or you have nothing at all. And for today, we have it all! Chak de India...that's a call every Indian heart is resounding with today! And Chak diya it is!

2007-09-20T08:57:00.000+04:00

Can she live??

Saw this program on TV a couple of days back, and some for reason, have not been able to get it out of my mind...its not the most pleasant of features I have seen in a long time unfortunately. It was about people trapped in unfulfilling and unhappy marriages…was mostly about women, and being one myself its always easier to identify with something like that. This program showed this story about a woman who was trapped in an unhappy marriage, not looked after by the husband, not even looked at would be more apt though. “An object of use” is how the woman described herself…and one did not need any corroboration to support her point…sorrow written large on her face…there is so much that women face in their lives, marriage and beyond. Children, the prime, and sometimes the only reason why these women forced themselves to stay in relationships that would only suffocate and asphyxiate them for life. Life, if there was any!

Some, however, were strong. They preferred to come out of such tangles. And I am in awe of such women. Why? For obvious reasons. Divorce, not really the word our so-called society looks at with much respect. Disdain, that’s the only expression I have ever seen on any one’s face when confronted with the word.
Forget the misery of the woman who was caught in that marriage. Forget that she too has a right to a happy marriage, a satisfying life. Forget that she too has a right to another option if the first did not work out. We, most shamefully, are that very society and we gossip about her, make fun of her, and find fault in her. ‘She must have been too headstrong for the husband maybe, maybe she was too career oriented…must not have cared for the husband well….whatever it was, must have been her fault’. Haven’t we heard these lines too often for our own comfort? The women ought to be at fault if she had the guts to ask for separation and divorce. Why can’t we respect her right to choice. The choice to say No. Say No, to ignominy, to abuse and suffering? And say Yes to a life where she can look at herself with self esteem and pride, see herself as an individual and not merely as an accessory, an object ?

Why do people make such a big deal about Divorce? No one wants to marry a divorcee, worse still if it’s the first time the man is stepping into matrimony? Does it make a woman any less worthy than she would have been had she never made that one mistake, that one mistake of marrying the man she shouldn’t have?
Aren’t we tormenting further a woman who has already been subjected to enough pain and suffering? Why must we bring our archaic thoughts, prejudices, whims and fancies in someone else’s way? Why can’t we, the society, just let people live their own lives??

2007-09-07T21:10:00.000+04:00

Lord of the Jinx!!

Is there anything called a Jinx? If there is, do I have one? maybe, I do. Nah! Nothing big..I dont fall into the waterhole when I'm actually looking for a place to sit...nothing that extreme has happened yet ( I don't mind counting my chickens before they actually hatch either if that saves my face even for this one fleeting second where you just visualised the portly me falling into that abyss!)...ummm..so, rediverting our attention back from that little diversion, we come back to where we began..Jinxes! For a lot of people, their luck is jinxed....now, what I wonder is, if you really do have luck, where is the scope for the jinx?? For, is'nt jinx actually the lack of luck?? Errr....did I just invite the spider to weave his net of confusion over me?? I think I did, but then, nothing unusual about it...always do!

But, discrediting the credibility of the Jinx would be to discredit half the incredible credentials of my own life (got that? No worries, neither did I!)! My Jinx, did I just say? Sure did. I absolutely love making plans, for everything...and grandiose plans they are. Hours, maybe days, weeks even, if I have nothing better to do goes before I actually execute an action....it all seems pretty neat, does'nt it? You make a plan, sit over it for weeks, and execute it, with elan and ease....Ah!! That is where we spoke wayyy too soon!! Execute, did one just say? Terminate is more the word actually. It is actually a record that I can proudly claim to possess!! Plan, plan as I must...it must, as a routine, rain on that very same day, at the very same hour. And if the Gods are generous for the day, the Demons can't resist you....some obstacle, some untoward occurance, and my plan(s) go up in the air, for the biggest toss imaginable!!

It's a lesson I have been condemned to learn more often that I would have wanted to. But I am a happy soul, and I'm already making my next plans...its September and New Year is'nt too far away!!

2007-09-07T14:49:00.000+04:00

Am probably at my depressed best today...have'nt heard even a single good news since morning..one after the other, there has been a spate of news that bids tragedy and sadness...woke up to a terrible dream in the night too...have'nt been able to sleep a wink since then...I wonder when this day will end...I just want it to end!!

2007-09-01T13:29:00.000+04:00

I'm slightly annoyed today, not with anyone, not even myself for that matter. I'm just cross at the way we tend to think sometimes, and am even more cross as to the way we let people treat us! My mother was just telling me about this friend of hers who asked her daughter-in-law to be to undergo some beauty, fairness therapy before she got married! For me, nothing can be more insulting and disparaging than to be told to somehting like that!! I'm surprised the girl in question did'nt even object to it..I would certainly have!

Deeper down, these are manifestations of the archaic and fossilised undertones that our society lives with. Honestly speaking, I find these fairness creams advertisements denigrating too...after all, have we tried to delve into what the essence of these ads actually is? All of us have, infact. This one ad that I saw had this girl looking desperately for a job, but as expected, she was'nt 'fair' and therefore, the job evaded her...and then, Heavens beckoned her to use this cream and Viola! The world was at her feet! Gosh! Are we still living in the 21st century is what I sometimes wonder! And then, an even more disdainful way to sell the same product is to show how men will run after you once you use their cream. I'm startled, and amazed at the sheer profanity of the whole thought!

Is that the only thing a woman is worth? Enticing men and opportunities using an artificially acquired beauty (if at all!). Specially in the world of today, when women are so confident of their abilities? Turn to any news channel and you'll know what I mean. Pretty, presentable faces, yes, lots of them. But, when we watch a Barkha Dutt, do you see what she looks like or do you see what she delivers? Or the many correspondents smeared with sweat and dirt, absolutely unmindful of what they look like? Would we accept a stuttering girl making a fool of herself no matter how gorgeous she was?? There you go, you have the answer right at your doorstep!

I'm not fair myself, but I find this antediluvian fixation with 'fairness' rather annoying, and it leaves me flabbergasted! For one moment, you feel that the way women are visualised is changing, and the very next, you feel you've been in a time warp ever since mankind came into existence. It is such an audacious, abrasive thought and I see no reason why any sane person should not question it.

2007-08-26T09:12:00.000+04:00

I love reading books. And better still, sitting at a Bookstore like Oxford, comfortably couched, perusing through any and every book that I can lay my hands on! I remember when I was in the PGW Hostel, Delhi University, whenever I would bored, I would just pick up my bag, take the Metro and get off at the Barakhamba Road Oxford Bookstore, spend a good 3-4 hrs, feasting myself on all the wonderful (and mostly terribly expensive books) that they had on display! My most relaxed moments found fruition here. And sometimes I miss that here in Patna. Though there are some good bookstores here, but nothing quite like it.

But even more than reading, I love buying books! I don't know why, but it just gives me a different high to spend a bomb on them. Somehow, none of the books you ever want to buy come cheap..the pricetags good enough to deter even the most avid of readers! But my book store guy has seen through me now, he just plays on my weakness! He knows I can't resist the temptation of buying a good book when I see one (and more importantly, when I have enough dough in my pocket, which is a rarity actually!). And so, he will always, always come with his standard line, "Nupur, here is another book that you might like to read!" And as expected, I end up buying much more than what I had intended to! But, books are an investment, and I dont mind spending on something good.
Then, there is the thrill of imprinting your name on it. I simply love writing my name on the books that I buy, accompanied by the date I bought it on. I know, when I get old, these are the small things that will bring a smile to my face.

2007-08-22T08:50:00.000+04:00

The News these days is ablaze with cyber crimes, and more alarmingly, crimes that were hatched on the Net, and executed in blood. We aren’t ignorant of the unfortunate murders that have recently come to light…all hatched on public sites like Orkut and the like. And this has left the air impregnated with questions, questions that billions of us Net users should be able to answer best.

The issue that seems to be doing the round these days is whether Orkut should be banned or not, for it encourages, many argue, clandestine illegal activities with many unsuspecting, apparently adventurous youngsters falling prey to the lure of the Unknown. The Unknown that has proved to be the nadir of many of us who are regulars at this site.

As for me, I don’t see the logic behind the argument…..why should it be banned? And even if it is, will that serve the purpose that we are looking at? I think not.

You can police activities and behaviour, but you can never, ever police the Mind. For that is something that we must be careful with ourselves. I feel it is our responsibility as to who we talk to, how much we divulge about ourselves. Making chat friends is common, but we must know where to draw the line. I am an adult, and no amount of external control on me, no amount of restrictions can leash me from doing something that I wish to do. And all said and done, I refuse to believe that the internet user of today does not know of the hazards that anonymous interaction carries with it. Do I bother to tell vivid details about myself to someone walking on the road? No, I don’t. I don’t, because I don’t know him, and therefore I don’t trust him. If I can’t bring myself to trust somebody standing right in front of me, body and soul, would it not be stupid of me to blindly believe a mere collection of letters, letters that portend to be a name, an identity?

Are sites like Orkut the real problem, or are they just what the real problem comes clothed in? Agreed, the internet is capable of misleading us, but only if we stretch our hands to it, offering ourselves to be devoured.

We just need to be responsible, not to anyone else, but to ourselves.

2007-07-19T16:59:00.000+04:00

Umm...A friend was just telling me about this crush ( read: liking) that she has for someone....and so here I am, writing about what I have been able to Decipher about the whole thing! ( Bah! Have nothing smart to write, as always!). I think they’re quite fun to have! Umm….lets reverse that a bit, its more fun for your friends, since that provides them with gossip right at their feet, and a poor little vulnerable thing who is willing, with open arms infact, to get slaughtered at the alter, the alter of Jest. And if you're a good sport, its actually fun!

People suffering from this wonderfully infectious (dis?)order usually share some common Symptoms:

Normally happens for people they don’t know well, or at all! If you’re cute and are popular, there is a huge possibility that you might have a train of admirers yourself! (They don’t know the real you yet!)

Umm…they’re always around you…maybe in office or school or college, wherever! So, basically, people you can’t ignore, even if you’re dying to! ( all right! I just said that, don’t mean a bit…who on earth wants to ignore when a simple glance can make your day!)

And when you finally do get to meet them, a meagre Hi is ALL that you are able to spurt…as for the rest of the formal talk, the how are you’s and stuff, a feeble smile, and a terribly, terribly dazed expression is all that you can muster. This I feel, might not go very well with the other person….after all, who wants to know a sissy, spluttering dimwit! And there, there go your chances! Saddities of life!

For those who really do prove themselves to be dimwits, and never proceed beyond the Hi and the Hello ( and I do know someone who fits the bill just perfectly! :D ), this, my friend, is the end of story.

Aaaand, the cardinal error that anyone can ever, ever commit, especially when the object of your affection happens to be a girl (How do I know??? I’m a girl, incase you don’t remember!!) is, to flatter her! ! Corny stuff is a strict no-no. Believe me, sounds implausible, but women have an uncanny ability to see through sycophants. And incase you just proved yourself to be one, all your chances are, I’m afraid, already down the drain. At best, a cold shoulder is what you will get.

As for men, sorry, am terribly ill equipped! Thankfully, God was kind enough to me, a girl is all that I am!!

But, the best part about a crush is that it is just that, a crush! It dies out before you can even blink, dies out because you are already busy exploring the next possibility, the one that just knocked at your door!!

As they say, life goes on!! ;D

2007-07-12T23:30:00.000+04:00

Was going through my Law College photos today…I noticed the wonderful smile that did not leave my face even once, and it comes back whenever I think of my days in college, and my stay in Delhi, all these six yrs, LSR, and then Faculty of Law. Two colleges, and one city, places which moulded me into what I am today, for good or for worse (the former is what my vanity would want me to believe though!!), is relative.

I can’t begin to write about my journey, without writing about the initiation, and what an initiation that was! Before I even knew it, I was in one of the Premier Institutions of the country, Lady Shri Ram College! With almost a flip of the coin, of the choice between St. Stephen’s and LSR, the latter was decided by the dictates of a decent Residence Hall. I think I should feel quite lucky since I had a brush with the best of both the worlds, attended classes in both the places!

When I first entered LSR, I almost thought it wasn’t the place for me…I wasn’t so high on confidence those days, engulfed with confusion and awe as I was….I was like a new born fledgling who had just seen the world through the tiny cracks of her shell. A tiny peep it was, and the world was waiting to be explored. Coming back to my first day at LSR, what enamored me most was the confidence with which these girls were conducting themselves! I wasn’t that big a nincompoop you see, but they were something else! There was another thing that I noticed right away- everyone there was almost a beauty queen! I mean, was this a college, or was this a gathering of the marvels of God’s creation?! If not before, now I certainly felt out of place! Absolute ordinary looks, coupled with a foolishly dazed expression, God, I must have looked such a specimen!!!

Day one on, a wonderful life at college unfolded. College was great fun. We were a small class of about thirty six people, so that facilitated a lot of interaction. But, the one part of my life within the confines of LSR that I remember with most fondness is the LSR Residence Hall. The friends that I made there are what are friends for life. Mallika, Rajdeep, Priya and Priyanka, we were a group of four, inseparable and always there for the other. Four friends I know I can trust my life with in a sinking ship.
Oh! The Hostel taught me a couple of other things too, like imagining that are u eating super delicious food, even when it was'nt remotely like it (Nah! Compared to the kind of food I got in my next hostel, this food sure was Heaven!), washing clothes all by yourself, till your back gave way, because the laundry for perennial empty pockets like ours was too much of a luxury to have, cooking Maggi on candle flame because the kitchen closed before you felt hungry again, and best of all, it provided the unparalleled enjoyment of watching the antics of the intoxicated mind!

My first year, as all subsequent ones in Delhi, as an independent soul, was invigorating. It was slightly tough initially. Commuting in those wretched DTC buses (which is another story altogether. My friends and I still laugh over it sometimes, laugh at me is more like it though!), reasoning and often fighting your way up, staying away from family, learning to live with people rather than simply sharing rooms, I think I was already learning the first lessons of life, life as it was going to be hence on.

2007-05-27T17:10:00.000+04:00

Meeting life......

Large spaces, bustling with people...people, scurrying to get to the right place at the right time....that's what our Metro station is usually like. Its a regular, mundane exercise for most of us...infact, its become so much a part of our schedule that it has almost been reduced to being banal! The thrill that the inauguration of the metro came with, is gone...the ten minutes to CP that seemed like a super sonic ride initially, now seem excrutiatingly long...that's what the human mind is like..it outgrows itself, and in the process wears itself off..wears itself off of all the small pleasures of life...

The metro ride, however, can be quite bereft of such dormancy and tedium...the bustling of people, that I just spoke about, is also a converging point of energies....the apparently vacant stares cease to be vacant anymore...there is so much to people, and so much more to life that simmers underneath! It is only when one travels on a public transport that one realises what the real, uninhibitted world is really like. When you're on the metro, you rub shoulders with men and women of all hues...from busy corporates..to brimming students.. to people who have never got the chance to escape the scorching sun....the airconditioned environs for whom are alien territory, and you can almost feel the apprehension in their eyes...and it is these people who have always caught my fancy. It is impossible to not notice that bewilderment in their eyes, that excitement , spilling away with small shrieks and chuckles...women, veiled inside their sarees, but buzzing with spirit inside, clamouring to be children again, clamouring to partake their new found fount of fun! Their men, I have noticed, are usually looking for places to hide their faces, red with embaressment as they are!! Sometimes, a small thing like the Metro becomes an epitome, as also an excuse, of feeling liberated, even if for a short while, for women such as these!

The best part, however, comes when they get to the escalator...the thrill that was once a part of their countenance now turns into fear...its takes all of us a while to get used to these "moving stairs", as I once heard one of these women cry out in disbelief!! It took me some time to get used to these myself when I had my first brush with them....but I'm sure it was'nt half as much fun for me, as it is for them.
Our gospels of etiquette and propriety, all shadows of our 'good breeding', take from us, sometimes, that charm of being inane and wild...that fervour of letting your hair down! But, not for them....nothing holds them back, with frenzy written all over their face...it is infact, contagious! Some people though, often scorn at them, laugh at them, at how naive they look, at how demonstrative they dare to be, but to me, they are what we should all strive to be like..unrestrained and real. That is one lesson that they give to us, inadvertantly though it might be....if you feel happy, show that you're happy, don't colour it with pretensions, pretensions that we all adorn, pretensions that the world cloaks us with...pretensions that smother and choke our spirit and zeal alive.

2007-05-06T15:47:00.000+04:00

This is probably the worst of times to write a blog!! I have the toughest exam that I have ever taken in my three yrs of Law in two days, and here I am, in my hostel computer room, writing!! Been studying like crazy for the past couple of days and that is what has probably gone to me...its just the second exam of a series of five, and I'm already sick of them! Juris is next, and I still have loads to do...decipher basically...noone can ever understand what these honoured jurists of the world were trying to say or prove anyway!! Long discourses with them, hours of futile efforts to understand the first line of fifty page chapters...Gosh!! I'm not cut out for this maybe!! But I guess some men are sadists of the first order..take these distinguished jurists for example....who ever asked them to tread on areas the common mind cannot even comprehend? And even if they did think Big (unusually smart people they were!), why did they have to share it with the rest of the world??? why? why? why? The end result of such "thoughtlessness" is that lessor mortals like us, with miniscule minds, are forced to learn something which we will not even remember the head or tail of after we're done with the last word in our answer sheet!! :D

PS- This blog has been written under an intense state of frustration....juris is not that bad a subject after all!! Special emphasis on "that bad"! ;)

2007-04-22T22:44:00.000+04:00

Finally! Abhishek and Aishwarya have got married!! All the news channels must have heaved such a sigh of relief!! Thats quite a herculian task off their shoulders!! And this one, particularly, is off our shoulder too!! Can anyone believe it??!! 4 days in a row..all that one gets to hear is where the flowers came in from..or where the mother in law got the beautiful daughter in law her sarees from..how much they costed...what the 'tent' is like..!!! God!! It almost asphyxiates me, as I"m sure it does to any other sane human being!! I wonder whether they had any paan at the wedding...wonder why the media left that little detail unnoticed! They're not doing their job well enough it seems!

A daily newspapers headline..on Page One read.."most eligible bachelor marries most beautiful woman"..does anyone care?? But, we do care when you consume such precious space for frivolous gossip items such as these...have we run out of political and social issues to address or have they been overshadowed with the glitz of such star weddings? I think the latter comes out rather glaringly...and shamelessly.

And then one has the very blown up Shilpa Shetty Kiss!!! This one I find rather "funny"!! Why "funny" you will ask...funny, because here is this girl whose modesty has been outraged..she's the one who's been supposedly forced into an act and yet, SHE is the one who has to face the wrath of her fellow Indians!! I find it absolutely flabbergasting!! Why are HER effigies being burnt?? If we feel that a wrong has been done, we must also recognise against whom it has been done...obviously, there has to be a victim!!
Victimising the victim....thats what this one seemed like to me! Support the lady if you feel so strongly about it!! And then, again, here the lady seems to have no objection to what was inflicted on her..wonder why the world seems to have a problem! And even if it did not in the first instance, the Media, by constantly rerunning the 2 min episode, making it look like a 2 hr kiss will grill it into our heads that "something" is wrong here!!So, we are left with a situation where our thoughts are moulded by someone else's sensibilities....I so hope there was SOME sense in it though!!

With each of my passing blogs, I seem to be becoming a Media critic!! Absolutely unintentional I would say..but it seldom leaves you without strained nerves....and a questioning mind.

2007-03-25T14:44:00.000+04:00

God!!! Whats wrong with me?! My mind seems to have stagnated!! There are so many things that I think I shall write on, but the moment I start writing, the mind stops working...can't go beyond a couple of lines...the zeal just disappears!! And this, definitely, is not doing wonders to my spirits!! Now the next thing that remains to be done is to figure out why this is happening and once that is done, to start working on it....I have like a billion things that I want to convey, to express, but everytime, something just goes wrong....not the way I want my life to be.

2007-03-24T17:25:00.000+04:00

Attended this Panel Discussion on the legitimacy of Media Trials ( if they may be so called). Though the discussion did not have much to offer, it did get the thought process ticking. With the Media's inherent capability of sniffing out issues that promise of evoking the slightest public interest, issues such as the one in mention are bound to spring up. And with a billion opinions in the foray, contradictions are bound to arise. And, they have.

To many of us, media intervention in most things appears to be the one thing we could very well do without. I count myself in that school for a couple of issues too, but definitely not for all. And then there are some issues, like the one in question, that leave me on the fence, not totally sure of which way I should lean. The next couple of lines, will therefore be, more than anything else, an attempt to clear the fog from around me.

The one thing that I find disarming about 'Media Trials' is that they 'presuppose' the guilt of one party. In this sense, then, the entire essence of a "trial" is defeated. There IS no trial, guilt declared even before innocence could be argued. So, what the media does, is no longer a trial of guilt, it simply is a reinforcement of their perception of who the guilty might be. And that I feel, is totally unwarranted.
The fact that it in a way affects the way the judiciary reacts and responds to the case is also oft argued, and conceded. That is a truth no rational mind can evade from.
To me, if one had to ask, both these issues are glaring, but, they are indispensable because Objectivity too, very often, falls victim to Subjectivity.

I, personally, have never been totally in tandem with what the media does and consequently, ellicits. It does, and sometimes too often for comfort, transgress the limits of the job. That it is no saint is well conceded too. Just the other day, we heard it from the horse's mouth himself..the Editor of a very popular daily said they print news they can "cash upon"...that I feel, is an important revelation of the real intent with which most of these writeups are created...they know that succulent pieces of news shall very quickly be devoured. Ah! The mechanics of trade at work again..did someone say we were into philanthropy??

Media definitely moulds the way the public concieves issues, but it also, very often, is moulded by what the public at large thinks, and it offers what the public wants. There are threads of contradiction that run in my mind here though...do they show something because the people want it or do the people want it because it is being offered to them? More like you scratch my back and I shall scratch yours. Some will argue that people these days read the paper and watch the news with a pinch of salt, I seem to disagree. I feel that most of us, particularly those of us with flexible opinions, have an indiscriminate faith, though not a blind one, on such offings of information, and we are, no matter how much we might fight it, influenced by what is offered to us. There, therefore, lies the responsibilty on these bastions of information. They influence the direction in which the wind shall blow.

Media, no longer is a monolith that it used to be earlier. There is a mammoth amount of competition that it faces from within. There is also no longer the control that mafia houses once exercised over it. Every action of the Govt. is therefore, constantly under scrutiny. This, in a way, expedites the process. Their role here therefore cannot be disputed, atleast not till the point they actually interrupt and impede the process ( which also happens quite frequently!)

Almost done with what I thought I'll write, there are probably a couple of things that I've left out I'm sure ( nothing unusual in that!)...my friends often prompt me to research well before I write...now I know why!! :D
Though I'm still in the quagmire that I was before, there is a hint that the fog might have cleared a bit.

2007-03-13T22:35:00.000+04:00

Phew!! just saw this program on Nat Geo about venomous animals!! Seen loads of the kind earlier as well, but this one just gripped my attention!! Nah!! Not so much the animals they were studying ( will write about what I felt abt them too, but that might come later), it was actually the guy who was researching these animals. Brave he sure was, but I thought he was more like Don Quixote....foolishly intrepid!! Someone who gets himself bitten by poisonous ants and deadly scorpions has GOT to be one!! All the semantics about being true to the profession and giving your all..blah blah blah is fine, but you need to maintain atleast a semblance of sanity or is that asking for too much?!

And, as if that was'nt enough, these guys came up with the most morbid and gross pictures of the poor, helpless victims...what really got to me was the effect this venom had on humans....tissues and limbs, consumed by the poison, forced into disfigurement, even mutilation at times...just left a bad taste in the mouth...I cd'nt even wade through the entire episode!!
Maybe, I need to become stronger to take in such graphic scenes of misery and suffering, or maybe a wee bit insensitive....

2007-03-09T20:13:00.000+04:00

Been quite a while since sat down and wrote some gibberish here...life has been slightly busy for the past couple of days....1st it was my internship and now, ummm, and now I have nothing to do, but I'm busy nonetheless!! Sounds rather wierd I know, but that it how things stand...I'm busy without business!!

It was a rather unusual day today...met two people...boys..who did NOT like cricket!! ( OK, Abhishek and Kapil..this is your moment of glory!! ;) )It actually took me some time to come to grips with this fact....rather unusual, but a refreshing change nonetheless! It is a national game I know, and therefore I shall not risk an accusation for treason by saying anything against the splendid game that I have come to love so much ( courtesy all the men in my family who, like many others have given a totally new meaning to the word addiction! ). And with the World Cup knocking, I think I can even foretell the future....

Anyway, I don't think I want to write on cricket right now, I'm not in a very benign mood right now, and therefore I would not want to sound unreasonable or unfair to anyone or anything.
A couple of misunderstandings during the day have kind of dampened my spirits a little....I wonder why they had to happen in the first place! It's probably the case of a joke taken too far...
And for a change, it is affecting me, something which I would hate to happen to me, and therefore, I think I will now go and sleep( since it is 12 in the night!) and put all my worries under the pillow....let them fade away with the night...tomorrow is a new day and nothing, anyway, is worth so much thought.

2007-02-13T20:43:00.000+04:00

Wow!! Am going to be a Lawyer in another 4 months...practice or not, I can legitimately claim to be one. And do I thank God for it!! Finally, I have found my calling. Believe me, it was'nt an easy task for me, like it often is for all the other "focussed" people of the world...at least that is what your parents tell you till the time you've become something in your life. And this something that I am talking about, is something that the world percieves to be a decent "profession". So, what one must become in life, is more often than not dictated by what the rest of us think is worth doing. Even if you're a DJ earning a good twenty grands a day...you would still meet with our very persistent query.."what do you REALLY do??" See...there we go again!! We don't think DJ 'ing is our kind of profession, and therefore, we will go forward and embaress the poor guy out of his wits!!

Anyway, getting back to my point, which though I have'nt delineated till now, is the central theme of this piece of writing...becoming "something" in life, and my rickety journey towards it.
Almost everyone in my family is a bureaucrat, and therefore, by natural implication, that for all of us , is the best profession. It sure is. But, I have found my fruition somewhere else. And my parents are happy and proud of me, and satisfied too. Satisfied? I'm sure you're wondering at my choice of words here. Considering the wide array of things and people that I wanted to become, they would be relieved that I'm going to become a plain and simple Lawyer!

When I was really small,I wanted to become a dancer...but no ordinary dancer mind you! I wanted to become that extra dancer that you see on stage shows, dancing vigourously, and anonymously, behind that lead actor. Those outlandish, itsy bitsy clothes really fascinated me...garish sure was an understatement! I still want to be a dancer, and my love for the stage has'nt gone yet...but I am no longer as low on ambition as I used to be!! I now perform as one of the leads, whenever I do. Thank you God...for dinning some sense into me!! Do I see my parents heaving a sigh of relief there??

Now that some of the fog cleared from around me, I suddenly woke up one day to realise that I wanted to become a Custom Officer!! Sounded quite thrilling, but unfortunately, it was'nt an original thought..it sprung up from this program that used to come on DD1.....the idea remained with me for some time...but one day,..the program went off air, and so did my desire !

But newer programs come before you can even blink..and so we had this one on a Lady Police Officer..and suddenly, I wanted to be a Police officer!! The idea stayed with me for a longer time than I thought it would, for it survived the program.But then how could I, with the wonderfully "flexible" state of mind that I had, stick to one idea for long?!! That would'nt have been me..at all!!
So, conforming with my set of aims, (aimless is more the word) I moved on in in life..ah!! thats so utterly profound!! But, maybe I was moving too often for comfort....

Ok, then suddenly I wanted to become a Doctor..a couple of good marks in Biology inspired this sudden development...but yet again, my inspiration died a rather quick death...I soon realised that I could'nt even nurse a small wound that my father had once...so much so for my dream of becoming a heart surgeon!! At best, I could use a band aid!! Pooh!
I sure do a svelte job of embaressing myself ...don't I ?!

Now, finally,a Lawyer is what I am going to be...and for once( lets hope! ) , I'm going to stick with this!! ;)

2007-02-13T20:40:00.000+04:00

For some wierd reason I am in a rather introspective state of mind right now...I think its time that I analyse myself...infact its long overdue. Have been interacting with a lot of people lately..people with diverse, and sometimes absolutely different interests that mine. I think its fun to interact with people who share the same ideas, notions about things and events as you do, but its a lot more fascinating when you do that with people who are only as similar to you as chalk and cheese. There is this huge pandora's box that opens before you.. a box you never knew even existed...and that is what is so exhilirating about such an experience. You begin exploring your own self..delve into areas hitherto uncared for, find space for yourself, and your thoughts...and do what I'm doing now...figure out where you lack and work on it.

I read a lot, but I guess "a lot" will not suffice...voracious is what I should become...there is a mammoth amount of knowledge that I need to acquire, about things that I am interested in, and more so on issues that don't really catch my imagination. That is a challenge all right, and one that I am willing to undertake.

Speaking of challenges, I have a bigger weakness that I need to triumph over. I think a lot, and pondering so much , even over trivial issues eats up a lot of my time, and energy..and sometimes even my sanity. I must not let my mind gallop away, especially at times when a mere trot would suffice!

While I think and plan and plan even more, I sometimes tend to lose track of the real objective I started off with...I lose interest. Sustaining interest beyond a point at times becomes an uphill task. Why do I let it happen to me? Motivation is what I need to give myself. And I will. I am.

I might have flayed myself rather publicly today, written things I wd'nt have told anyone in the regular course, but that is what writing does to me..its brings out a totally different me...am not very garrulous generally, maybe a little restricted when it comes to expressing what I really feel, but hand me the pen, and I run on an altogether different tangent!! :D

2007-01-11T21:09:00.000+04:00

For the last couple of days, it is with an eerie sense of foreboding that one turns on the TV...every news channel is oozing with their bit on the Noida killings...each one narrating the harrowing tales of children,caught, abused, killed and abused again. The thought itself is so morbid. The reality, unforgiving.

I had nothing to do with any of the victims, most of us don't...but the wretchedness of the whole act can send jitters down the spine of even the most heartless of humans. But it did no such thing to the accused. I catagorically use the word "humans" here, for, to me, the accused don't even deserve to be called that. To call them that, is an outright insult to what we stand for, or have ever stood for.

There was this magazine that I picked up the day before, quite oblivious to its contents, but not totally unaware of what I thought I should expect. And unmistakingly, the article I was dreading most, was there. Normally, when the same issue is ranted endlessly, it tires itself out because of the sheer monotony that it inflicts on the reader, and you, quite mechanically move on to the next page. And that is what happens to me more often than not. But not this tme. I did quickly turn the page over, but not because I did not want to read it. It was more because, I could not. Those pictures, shrieking out the heinous acts behind them, were more than what my sanity could take. It still cannot. And I am yet to find someone who can.

Losing a child is always painful, but to lose it to the unsatiable thirst of such a fiend, waiting, ravenously for his next prey, is unthinkable. There is pain when you reconcile and accept the truth..and this is one truth no mother would like to accept...to see her child disappear into the dark alleys of nothingness.

2006-12-28T22:11:00.000+04:00

Suddenly everything is looking so green and vibrant..you know the way it seems when spring is here..the air immaculate, even when the whole landscape around you is splattered with colour...No, I am not suggesting that I am hallucinating of spring even when you can feel your blood freeze in this chilling winter..its just that I'm really, really happy, and relieved...Nah, have'nt succeeded in overcoming some invincible ordeal or anything..I've just got over with my month long exams and therefore, this overtly dramatised version of my mental state!!! Laugh if you want to, but this is exactly how I feel right now!! :D

Its no state secret how 'wonderful' and 'colourful' exam time normally is....I was'nt spared a different one either...but I have come to realise that Exams, of all things, are not worth dying for..there was a time when I would forget everything else that I was doing and just worry and fret about the next days exams...what a terrible waste ! And now, I can very proudly boast of having attened a party and watched a movie, two infact, right in the middle of my exams!!

The movie that I'm talking about happens to be the most talked about Hindi movie at the moment..Dhoom 2...had no intentions of watching it..specially at the time when I actually did( which was some 2 days before my first exam). My friends were all going...and naturally, I was made an offer, an offer that I could'nt refuse!! Though I did resist it quite a bit, but my graph went a little like this..resisted..resisted....resisted..aaaaaannd succumbed!!!
(If you find someone's Will Power swaggering aimlessly on the streets, its probably mine!!)

So, watched Dhoom..thought I'll write something about how I found the movie, but its been so many days since I actually saw it, don't really remember much of it..no point in misguiding you guys..I might actually end up saying that its a Nice movie...and so, before I commit any such harakiri, think will refrain from even trying!
The second one that I saw was, ahem, this movie called Babul.I still have'nt figured WHY I ever even bothered to go!!! Helped Disprin sales hit the roof that day...I think I deserve a share in their pofits now!!!
And there was this awesome party that I attended, the Christmas Party that happened at my hostel..carols and all that Christmasy stuff...Loved it..brought that festive flavour back to us, something that had drowned in the humdrum of our exams...

There are so many things, cheerful things, that await their occurence in our lives, and we, more often than not, shut ourselves up, in the gloomy corridors of what we call, or prefer to call "insufferable strifes" of life, each one us having our own expression for it...
Why do we let their cacophony quell the rythm of our lives?

Maybe late in life, but I have realised, that the one thing ordeals should not consume, is our happiness within, the happiness that comes clothed in small moments of life.

PS- Life is fun, but then everyone has their "Dhoom2" and "Babul" kind of moments too!!! I hope Mr.B.R Chopra spares my blog his visit!!!

2006-11-27T10:53:00.000+04:00

I really am no poet, and that is probably the one thing I regret not being. But what the heck! I can still share one with you guys, just ignore the fact that its not written by me!! Infact its not even a poem in the strict sense of the word, its a song, by Bryan Adams, and its called "If you really love a woman". Heard it after ages a couple of days back, and have not been able to get it off my mind ever since. And so, I have decided to make it a part of my blog..probably the only thing that I will never be able to demand a copyright on[:D], but anyway..here is comes..!

To really ,really love a woman
to understand her
you've got to know it deep inside
hear every thought
see every dream
and give her wings
when she needs to fly
then when u find yourself
lying helpless in her arms
you know you really, really love a woman.

When you love a woman
tell her that she's really wanted
when you love a woman
tell her that she's the one
she needs somebody to tell her
that its going to last forever
So tell me, have you ever
really really loved a woman?

Its not the whole song, because shreds of the song is all I can remember as of now..I have never been able to boast about my memory anyway, so I guess this sudden vacant expression on my face is well justified, or at least,well explained !!

I really have no clue why I'm posting this song , that is not even my own, on my blog...maybe I'm just trying to compensate for that creative thread that God forgot to weave into my Being , which I would have so loved to have, or maybe, there's a lesson to be extracted from these lines, for those who can feel an echo of their own lives in them...
As for me, I just like to drift in the warmth of the song, the beauty of its expression and the music, that can mellow the most harrowed of souls....

2006-11-01T22:44:00.000+04:00

I'm back in my hostel now, and its rather unusual for me to be writing a blog here..can never really find the right atmosphere here to write one..our computer room is all stuffy..there are always people waiting for some computer to get free so that they can gorge on it..am counting myself in that category too!! Infact, am the worst of its kinds!! The keys require all the energy that you can infuse in yourself when you type, and after five sentences, you are left with your fingers aching, begging you to stop! But the addict that one becomes after the incessant use of such a device, you really don't bother about such minor agonies, even when they get manifested in self infliction!
Some ordeal it is to work on the computer here! Maybe its not that bad either, but coming back from home where I have my laptop all to myself, any hour of the day, the strict regimentation of the hostel can actually get a little trying. But since I've been in a hostel for almost six yrs now, am more or less accustomed to the whole drill. But, even that does'nt help mitigate the frustration of it all.

Normally, my blogs come when I'm in some mood to write, when there is a desire to capture a thought, and mould it into the written word, but today, am doing it for the abject lack of anything better to do..had to meet a friend online, but dont think thats going to happen today..and since I still have 40 mins left to myself on this computer, this the best way I could think of whiling away my time. I do have a lot of other, more fruitful things to do right now, a slightly less consequential one being studying for my Term exams, that are but, a couple of days from now(oh boy!! they are actually that close!!), but I really am in no mood to go to my room, with all my books staring at me, quizzical looks on their faces, questioning me as to why I have estranged myself, almost permanently from them....unfortunately for them, at this moment, writing is what I'm going to beguile myself with.

2006-10-16T23:09:00.000+04:00

For anyone who's read my last blog, the tangible lapse of time between that and this one would be, but striking..for I had concluded the previous one with something like..'this is an endeavour that i have just started and i hope to be able to sustain it'...sheer irony is what I would call it, for there has never been a bigger hiatus between two writings. But anyway, will just pick up the thread and ramble some more over nothing!! (is'nt this what blogging is all about..writing... something to just about anything!! )

Am listening to some very nice, beautiful songs at the moment...some old english classics, some hindi masterpieces. Thats the way I like spending my time, give something to the ears to feed on, give the mind some splendid rest( rest, here, by the way, is from the fatigue of that constant activity called breathing..who said breathing was'nt an activity?! Those who don't believe me, may kindly give it a little rest for some time, and see the difference...believe me, its palpable!)

Just as I'm writing this , the song that my i pod has offered to play is a song called 'Lady d'Arbanville'...sprightly French music, the kind that usually strikes up that romantic chord in you. But this one seems more like a charade, meloncholy and zestful, all at the same time.
And I simply love it!! Been listening to it all day!

Its almost the end of my university holidays now, infact, they ended long back, but I, as always, have overstayed. And since I have been at Home all this while, I think I can confidently say that though I have overstayed, I have'nt overstayed my stay!!
Pretty much wasted these holidays, not that there is anything new or bizzarre in it, do that all the time!! Infact, the leisure and luxury to be able to waste time is what defines my holidays best, or rather my defintion of it. I'm sure my parents have never been more eager to agree with me, and disapprove!!

There's a lot more that would like to write on, but there is something that I have just remembered, and I need to do it before I forget!!

2006-08-08T22:02:00.000+04:00

I have been reading a lot of other people's blogs lately..hopping from one to the other. My complete lack of preoccupation with anything else has fortuitously fuelled this 'activity', so to speak. And believe me, it is one of the most enjoyable thing that I have probably ever done, and fortunately, far less tedious too, given my current state of indolence. Staying at home usually does that to me...no strict regimens to be blindly followed, no fixed meal hours, no scrambling to the Hostel mess at the first ring of the bell...does'nt it conjure up the image of Tom Cat sprinting to get his plate of the fresh, juicy chicken leg ?! Luckily, the food never manages to inspire the drool so very charectaristic of Tom! Saved! From ignominy!!

Ok..I can sense that I have veered from what I had originally started with...blogging..or infact reading what the others have written. Some of them, and these are the ones that I enjoy the most, are simple, but expressive portraits of the thoughts the mind constructs..mundane ideas, banal events, sprinkled with zest and beautifully brought to life! If there is one thing that I aspire for, is the ability to create and enthuse that life, that sprightliness in my writing as well!!

The first blog that I ever read was Sasha's..it was something on Socialism..and boy! That was some hard core stuff ! Pretty enjoyable, but it did more than just activate the brain cells..it did more, much more. It kind of galvanised my state of being, and propelled a desire, and a deep one at that, to write something of my own. And I did just that. And I'm glad that I did. I had rusted, and writing, whatever gibberish it might have been, lubricated my passivity. Though I can't claim to be a regular blogger, and I might not be writing anything interesting or captivating or something that even obliquely flexes the funny bone, but it makes me happy...and, that, I think, is all that matters. It is a pursuit I have just begun, and I hope to be able to sustain it.

2006-07-31T23:17:00.000+04:00

Its past midnight, and when half of humanity would be tucked cozily in the warmth of their beds, here I am, for some weird reason, typing some arbit stuff.
And as usual, have nothing specific to write. I know its not something that I need to be proud about, and believe me, I’m not. And what is even more bizarre is that this is happening when I like, and enjoy writing. Something is seriously wrong here!

Watched ‘Omkara’ yesterday. It’s a very well made movie, sans the brusque use of words..but that I guess, one needs to show when you’re painting your own interpretation of the Western UP hinterlands, and again, we are’nt talking about refined society anyway. We’re talking diabolical here, the spiteful tale of inexorable deceit and revenge, which makes it…very, very human.
From Othello to Omkara, a lot has changed, the social setting, the idioms, the parlance, but what even these could not change is the disposition that man shares. Treason and sedition... its the same story everywhere….the machinating mind at its best! The egregious Iago becomes Langda Tyagi and the vulnerable Desdemona gracefully transforms into Dolly! Be it Othello, or our very own Omkara, the insecurities that they suffer from are analogous…the suspicions that they share are harmonious and at times, even nefarious …for here is this girl, completely in love with Othello, or Omkara, whichever you plan to choose…guileless in her loyalties, and the one thing that she deserves the most is what eludes her… Faith, of the person she thinks loves her.
Rest, as they say, is history.

Well, I don’t think I’ll go into the semantics of all that right now, I don’t think anyone will be interested in it either. Neither am I, at this unearthly hour, to foray into what frailties man suffers from…I don’t like it when others sermonize, and I have no intentions of being on the giving end myself, ensnaring all of you, who have bothered to come to my page and read this uneventful bit of scrawl.

2006-07-13T03:00:00.000+04:00

OF LOST LIVES..AND SOULS...

Tuesday was just another regular day for most of us..was'nt it? Or..was it really?? It was'nt. Not if there is any semblance of the humaneness that God blessed us with. Mumbai was ripped apart by explosions that brought the city to a screeching hault...hundreds caught unaware, hundreds who will never know what hit them...and why.

There has not been a fleeting moment that the news channels have not covered, or atleast attempted to. Due credit to them. Yes, they have kept us apprised of the appalling state of affairs there, but, there is something, something that stings me, and leaves me disconsolate and miserable. I'm talking about the countless inanimate bodies that are left behind everytime a catastaophe like this besieges us. Lifeless remains of what spouted vigour once, left, to the vultures to gorge on.
"God! Thats blasphemous!", you will argue...Yes, it is. But it is we who let it happen, and we who do it, perpetrate it. What else can you say about the mangled
remains of the victims that the news channels take such vicarious and sinful delight in broadcasting..time and again??
Don't these pictures leave you mutilated as well? Leave you with a mutilated conscience and a bleeding heart, your soul frayed?
'Live coverage!!'..is that what they keep harping? But, unfortunately, they are no longer covering the live.

Are not they, from whom life was so mercilessly plucked, deserving of even a moment of candid and unfeigned respect? They are, you will say..but do we give it to them?We don't. If we really did, would we be so unpenitently exhibiting them? Each channel trying to one up the other, scrambling to show the 'first pictures' ..'first pictures' ? ! They are infact, someones Last Pictures. If the media does it to increase viewership, then we must admit that it is a total disregard of human life, even when it has been extinguished. It is sacrilege and we, a party to it.

Have we ever witnessed anything of the sort when the international media comes into picture...the London attacks are still fresh in the mind...was there any footage showing the dead, any clipping saying these pictures demand viewer discretion, or that they might be disturbing ? I'm sure it was not for want of 'sufficiently gruesome' photographs which they needed to flaunt, or because their reporting left anything to be desired..it was, and plainly enough, because of veneration for the dead.

I hope this realisation dawns on us too, and soon, or we will never be able to live up to our own selves. Human life is priceless, but so is dignity, and let not death steal that from us.

2006-07-06T16:05:00.000+04:00

You have'nt really lived in Delhi if you have'nt travelled by the public transport...and no, I certainly am not talking about the new plush Metro that Delhi has been blessed with lately. Its 'transport' alright and 'public' too, but that has not, unfortunately 'inspired' this little piece of 'work' ! Infact, I am referring to the very 'popular' and widely used (and if, at this point you think that it is out of an undisguised sense of affection for these masses of metal..or an attempt to ease out the strain on the already choked Delhi roads, then, unfortunately, you could'nt have been more wrong! )
Lets explain this often 'veiled' compulsion as an undesirable alternative for those with 'scarcity of adequate resources'....which, can be explained, in a much simpler way...as...ahem...empty pockets! Wow! Have'nt described myself better in ages!!!

If you have'nt ever been lucky enough to board these wonderful excuses for a roller coaster ride, then let me take you on a ride! This should be fun!

Yes, it normally is fun, to try something that you have never tasted before...but when you are at the recieving end of something as spectacular as this...then...its even...BETTER!! Don't worry...I have no intentions of dissuading you from giving it a shot.

I vividly remember the night, the other end of which I would experience my first bus ride...and that was the night I became an insomniac ! The much awaited morning or should I say the most fretted morning of my little existence eventually came. The bus arrived, in all its splendour...on time? Is that what you want to ask ? Ok, its pretty apparent you've never travelled like this before...Rule no. 1 for everything public, specially if you're talking transport..Never, Never be on time!

Alright,I finally succeeded in getting on this frightful thing...hoping I could finally sit and catch my breath again...But, surprises never cease to sieze you... Rule no. 2 for all buses...Never, Never stop the bus at the designated bus stop...We must give all our passengers adequate exercise! Make them run! This, as it turns out, dear reader, is a genuine attempt to keep you in good athletic shape and 'running condition'...pun intended.

Now, where was I..yes! I finally managed, in good time, to board the bus...and yes, I was looking for a place to sit. Place to sit? God! I was struggling to keep myself aboard!! Within no time I found myself clinging to one of the aunties....no, that was no sudden splurge of affection that I felt for her...it was infact, one last attempt to stay on board!! Imagine, my first time ever on a thing like that...and it seemed it would soon be my last! I held on to her frantically...got hold of her dress...and just managed it! That was the first time I was eternally grateful to God that He made me a girl! Had I been a boy...Boy! The thought sends jitters down my spine!! God bless the lady...!!

I soon descried an empty seat...some five seats away! Now that is what I call real luck..to find a seat to park yourself on. But, you soon realise, and with adequate experience, you can even foretell, that you're not the only bird eyeing the prey...out of nowhere half of humanity seems to descend, targetting something that you genuinly feel you deserve..after all you spotted the most covetted item of the moment! No reason for me to feel differently...and so, I made my bid...scampering my way to the trophy, before anyone else could lay their hands on it....and...Victory!!

So, I was now seated...comfortably? I think I'll skip that question...paid for my ticket...all conducters seem to have this uncanny ability to be grumpy and annoying all the time...but, its not right to be harsh on them...I'm sure if I were to stand all day in the sweltering heat in a bus,breathing gasoline, I would be worse! And that is one reason, why I pray to God, for the sake of my fellow humans, never to make me a conducter.That is a sacrifice I am willing to make..for all of you.

The buses normally take twice as much time as it would have taken you had you walked! But we want the state to earn its revenue so will make another sacrifice and continue with this rather exciting proposition and we will stay put. But, if you're thinking that this race against time is because they 'crawl' their way to their destination, then it is time to make another correction...Slow is a word totally alien to them...just as caution is. And, therefore, seat belts may turn out to be pretty useful..keep them handy..always! Incessant Praying often proves helpful to me..if you're an atheist, too bad for you.

Seeing your destination close in is probably the only thing that can soothe those pulsating nerves...its almost palliative! Also because there comes a time when the constant blabbering of the extremely polite people around you becomes unbearable, but with time and experience like I said earlier you become wonderfully immune to it...and incase you don't, I would suggest you start working towards it! Sanity pleads it.

Yes!! Finally there!! The same 'process' as you started with is how you are expected to end it too....wading through people who seem adamant not to budge...but you finally do see light...don't worry, you always do, even if it is at the next stop!!

2006-06-24T13:28:00.000+04:00

To be honest, I don't have anything substantial to write right now...but the ennui of a languid evening is getting to me now...so here I am, in front of the computer, with absolutely no clue as to what these fingers will write!

But, one has to start somewhere! So I think I'll write about the novel that I have
just completed...lets see how the thoughts flow..the book is called One Night@ a Call Center...finished it at one go infact...6 hrs flat! Wow! Not bad! It is quite a rivetting piece of work..intelligently written...the high points of the novel are its humourous analogies and one liners..sometimes the author just prefers thinking aloud...

But that is not the only thing that strikes you about this book...though the general tenor of the novel is mostly funny, but there is a deeper thought that runs through it...something that made me think ( not that that is something which I never do!! Whatever gave u that idea! )...and that was about the things we fear in life...or what is that holds us back at times....simple questions, but try finding an answer and you enter a labyrinth...of your inner self...and you realise that in the quest of answering these questions, you are finding your own self...

What is it that I fear..that is the question that I decided to ask myself first...I made an attempt, though an unsuccessful one, to answer that...never realised a question as basic as that would be so difficult to answer...
but I need to find an answer..all of us need to...self appraisal is the best beacon light that we can give...to ourselves..

Being termed mediocre..being disregarded is what I fear...losing the ones that I love the most is what I fear...surviving on the crutches of fate, being dependant for existence...dying anonymous is what I fear...fear seems too mild a word for what I feel... these thoughts make me shudder...maybe that is a more honest expression of the tempest that brews in my mind...

No, my quest is'nt over yet...the journey has just started..there are many more questions that rattle my mind...they can't be left unheard..or unheeded...but let me guage myself better first, and then I shall write about them too...finding oneself is probably the most challenging job that I have ever undertaken..I'm sure you will not disagree.

2006-06-24T13:23:00.000+04:00

its a nice saturday afternoon..rained today..almost ages since that last happened! nature seems to be breathing again..am reminded of a story by Anita Desai that i read while in school...one of the most poetic and expressive descriptions of a hot summer afternoon( maybe that is what it was called..but am not sure,so will not take a chance!)...wish i could write like that!

2006-06-22T16:22:00.000+04:00

today is one of those few days when i've been let off from work early...ok...i'll be honest..its been even fewer days since i actually started working..ummm...about a week..but what the heck! this one week has extracted more from me than anything else i've ever done before! had it not been for the stipend that i have been promised..its measly alright..but its going to be my first paycheck so that off sets all the other 'ordeals' that a poor intern like me is being subjected to....don't i make a really sad picture?? like a cat on a hot tin roof? well,that certainly is not my purpose so let me write what an incredibly awesome 'learning experience' this one has been...

my first day taught me the greatest lesson in life..atleast a really crucial one if u're new to an office or worse still, to a job...and that was the art of waiting endlessly (and tirelessly..for your own good!) for excruciatingly long hours for the boss to arrive..he's a terribly overworked person u see..has to extricate himself from the innumerable engagements that he has...it hardly matters if he gave you an appointment as well... this endless waiting has to be borne with an 'i understand he is busy' look on your face whereas as on the other side of your mind..... u know what i mean...u've gone through it yourself..the boss can well do without all the wonderfully benign adjectives being inflicted on him!

and then 'the man' makes his majestic entry...the man needs no introduction..his imposing air says it all..not everyone can enter an office thinking its his backyard! swift is the word that can define my boss best..blink and u miss him...

ok..i know i'm not being fair to the guy..but thats because i have'nt yet written about my little formal rendezvous with him (yes! it did happen..finally!)...a sweet old man..no,not the kinds that will make you diabetic, but he did manage to allay my apprehensions( i did'nt say all!! but quite a few ,yes) of working at the place...don't think my ride is going to be all that bumpy after all.

2006-06-17T18:11:00.000+04:00

MY TAKE ON RESERVATIONS...

As I set out to write this, I must make it amply known...since disclaimers are in vogue these days...that it is not intended, in any way, to be an undisputed critique of the reservation politics that seems to have bitten the nation or its disastrous ramifications so vehemently advocated by some...and I am sure that it will eventually not end up as one either.

Reservations, often construed, and erroneously at that, as the sole manifestation of Affirmative Action these days is not a novel concept to India for 1918 saw the first moorings of the policy in the Madras Presidency. But it no longer is 1918 and things are not as they used to be. Travel a couple of years and you enter 1980! One harmless looking year that was to change how India thought and acted. The Mandal Commission had arrived...for better or for worse is a question that has very deftly evaded the entire nation.

That Economic criteria should be the key deciding factor instead of the sole consideration of caste and that Primary Education should be strenghthened and effectively provided are issues that have been suggested, reiterated and harped upon ad nauseum.
So?! Is'nt that an echo of what we've always heard?! Each one of us appreciates the prudence of these propositions..but..and this is a very crucial but, for in this one word lies the irony and misfortune of Indian Politics and India's egalitarian future.

Policies have been made, social upliftment programmes formulated...but there is a fine line between Policies and Politics, which unforunately, has often been smeared to shameful extents.

Are our priorities right or are they grossly misplaced? That is a question the human conscience can answer best. Millions are denied the basic right to food, dying of hunger, starvation and infirmity. India enjoys the despicable honour of harbouring a fifth of the total world population of those who die before they achieve the age of five....I'm sure that is a distinction we can live without!
It is difficult to convince oneself how reservations will benefit this penurious lot...many of them will probably never reach the age where they might become eligible for the benefit they are entitled to.
Why is our perception of Affirmative Action confined to the miniscule domain of reservation?! Our very familiar Mr.Politics seems to be looming large again..but this time...its bordering on criminal.

One very often can't resist the temptation of referring to the success of Affirmative Action in the US. So, the obvious question is that if they can implement it there, and successfully as alleged, why can't we, who even otherwise have done an excellent job of imitating certain other things, things far less significant, do the same? What difference would one more adaptation make? Big deal!!

But Affirmative Action there, in sharp contradistinction to our system here, is optional. Universities have a free hand..it is not something which is forced down their throats. Affirmative Action there implies an exercise where a few representatives of ethnic groups like the Blacks, Latinos, American Indian and Hispanics are preferentially admitted to the universities...and the percentage there is certainly not 50%!! Advocates of reservation will definitely not like to refer to the diminutive percentage of such people that walk the corridors of the bastions of America's education.
Moreover, Affirmative Action there does not operate negatively against the majority(the whites)as it threatens to do in india.

A further perusal of the the efficacy of this much recommended policy and the revelations are startling! I'm sure we have not yet been able to erase from our minds the cataclysmic Katrina Hurricane which ravaged households and ruined lives..the social base of the victims showed an uncanny preponderance of those very ethnic groups which have been referred to as being the fortuitous beneficiaries of Affirmative Action. A large number of Blacks still live in ghettos, far from the comfortable and often ostentatious habitations of the Whites and other priveleged non Blacks.
Yes, Affirmative Action there has no doubt produced exemplary examples like Condoleezza Rice and Collin Powell, but we must not ignore the fact that they came from affluent families, definitely not the ones who would not have survived had it not been for state action.

So, the question that has followed us, with great persistence and diligence one must admit, still remains largely elusive...Are the people who really need a tool like reservation to provide an impetus to their life the ones who are actually benefitted?

We would like to believe that they are, but the writing is on the wall.

(In case you want to post your comments, you are welcome to do that at the end of the page.)