What we should know about Bullying

Bullying- an act that is either vociferously fought against, or sometimes ignored and overlooked by hesitant bystanders or sufferers alike. Like many of us, I had been on the fringes of such a conduct, always aware of its ugliness, but never really soiled by its dirt. Until recently. A friend suffered at the hands of some teen agers who thought it was their right to call him names, rebuke his family and embarrass him. And suddenly I realized, it doesn’t take a minute for us to turn from mere observers, or opinion holders to people on the receiving end of such malicious behavior.

Awareness about bullying on why it happens and how we can respond, whether directly affected or not is key to softening the stronghold this has on our youth.

Currently, there is no federal law that directly addresses the act of bullying. It does, sometime overlap with discriminatory harassment covered by the federal civil rights enforced by the U.S Department of Education and the U.S Department of Justice.

Often used interchangeably with words like hazing, teasing or bullying, such acts are severe, persistent, or pervasive and create such a hostile environment that it hinders the student’s ability to participate in activities at school. It may be based on race, color, national origin, sex, disability or religion.

We are all, commonly, attuned to calling the parties either “the bully” or “the victim”. I was guilty of this charge too, until I learned that branding the children such can only be counter- productive. Calling a child ‘bully’ reinforces the idea that their position cannot be altered, or bettered and out-rightly ignores the reasons leading to such behavior- things like peer influence, abuse, troubled environment at school or at home. Labelling a child is never a solution, and it is an act that we all so callously indulge in. Calling them ‘the child that bullied’ and ‘the child bullied’ instead takes away the irreparability of their acts.

So, when this behavior touched us this time, we couldn’t help but wonder what could the bystanders have done to stall it and why they did not. It is often that friends and bystanders ‘contribute’ to the bullyish behavior, rather than avert it. They can do so either by openly encouraging the child bullying, or reinforce it by laughing, applauding - inspiring the child bullying to go on, sometimes even worsen his conduct. And then, there are a lot of us who watch outraged, but do nothing. Doing nothing is probably as bad as abetting a behavior because it gives the child a green from people around him.

Staying silent should never be an alternative. Not in a case of bullying, not in any other act of infringement or violation of self. The question screaming itself out is this- what can we do? What should we do? I asked myself the same question, and while I wanted to believe that If I were there I would have lashed out and stopped the act before it even started, I knew I was misleading myself. Chivalry was all fine, but wasn’t I worried about what retaliation the child bullied would face later with an intervention- they do come in contact every day! What effect would it have on the psyche of the child bullied? Would it lead to depression or a feeling of being powerless?

Well, there are many ways of responding. Prompt and proper response to bullying is important. Timely intervention and separating the kids prevents further altercation. Do not question or reprimand the children together or in front of others. Deal with them individually. It’s easy to become confrontational in such a situation, but remaining calm and modelling respectful behavior will only make things better. It’s often a clever idea to gather support of other adults. Comfort the child bullied that you are with him/her and ask for medical help if necessary.

Act wisely. With proper guidance and approach, bullying can stop with time.

(ref: stopbullying.gov)