Wow!! Am going to be a Lawyer in another 4 months...practice or not, I can legitimately claim to be one. And do I thank God for it!! Finally, I have found my calling. Believe me, it was'nt an easy task for me, like it often is for all the other "focussed" people of the world...at least that is what your parents tell you till the time you've become something in your life. And this something that I am talking about, is something that the world percieves to be a decent "profession". So, what one must become in life, is more often than not dictated by what the rest of us think is worth doing. Even if you're a DJ earning a good twenty grands a day...you would still meet with our very persistent query.."what do you REALLY do??" See...there we go again!! We don't think DJ 'ing is our kind of profession, and therefore, we will go forward and embaress the poor guy out of his wits!!

Anyway, getting back to my point, which though I have'nt delineated till now, is the central theme of this piece of writing...becoming "something" in life, and my rickety journey towards it.
Almost everyone in my family is a bureaucrat, and therefore, by natural implication, that for all of us , is the best profession. It sure is. But, I have found my fruition somewhere else. And my parents are happy and proud of me, and satisfied too. Satisfied? I'm sure you're wondering at my choice of words here. Considering the wide array of things and people that I wanted to become, they would be relieved that I'm going to become a plain and simple Lawyer!

When I was really small,I wanted to become a dancer...but no ordinary dancer mind you! I wanted to become that extra dancer that you see on stage shows, dancing vigourously, and anonymously, behind that lead actor. Those outlandish, itsy bitsy clothes really fascinated me...garish sure was an understatement! I still want to be a dancer, and my love for the stage has'nt gone yet...but I am no longer as low on ambition as I used to be!! I now perform as one of the leads, whenever I do. Thank you God...for dinning some sense into me!! Do I see my parents heaving a sigh of relief there??

Now that some of the fog cleared from around me, I suddenly woke up one day to realise that I wanted to become a Custom Officer!! Sounded quite thrilling, but unfortunately, it was'nt an original thought..it sprung up from this program that used to come on DD1.....the idea remained with me for some time...but one day,..the program went off air, and so did my desire !

But newer programs come before you can even blink..and so we had this one on a Lady Police Officer..and suddenly, I wanted to be a Police officer!! The idea stayed with me for a longer time than I thought it would, for it survived the program.But then how could I, with the wonderfully "flexible" state of mind that I had, stick to one idea for long?!! That would'nt have been me..at all!!
So, conforming with my set of aims, (aimless is more the word) I moved on in in life..ah!! thats so utterly profound!! But, maybe I was moving too often for comfort....

Ok, then suddenly I wanted to become a Doctor..a couple of good marks in Biology inspired this sudden development...but yet again, my inspiration died a rather quick death...I soon realised that I could'nt even nurse a small wound that my father had once...so much so for my dream of becoming a heart surgeon!! At best, I could use a band aid!! Pooh!
I sure do a svelte job of embaressing myself ...don't I ?!

Now, finally,a Lawyer is what I am going to be...and for once( lets hope! ) , I'm going to stick with this!! ;)

For some wierd reason I am in a rather introspective state of mind right now...I think its time that I analyse myself...infact its long overdue. Have been interacting with a lot of people lately..people with diverse, and sometimes absolutely different interests that mine. I think its fun to interact with people who share the same ideas, notions about things and events as you do, but its a lot more fascinating when you do that with people who are only as similar to you as chalk and cheese. There is this huge pandora's box that opens before you.. a box you never knew even existed...and that is what is so exhilirating about such an experience. You begin exploring your own self..delve into areas hitherto uncared for, find space for yourself, and your thoughts...and do what I'm doing now...figure out where you lack and work on it.

I read a lot, but I guess "a lot" will not suffice...voracious is what I should become...there is a mammoth amount of knowledge that I need to acquire, about things that I am interested in, and more so on issues that don't really catch my imagination. That is a challenge all right, and one that I am willing to undertake.

Speaking of challenges, I have a bigger weakness that I need to triumph over. I think a lot, and pondering so much , even over trivial issues eats up a lot of my time, and energy..and sometimes even my sanity. I must not let my mind gallop away, especially at times when a mere trot would suffice!

While I think and plan and plan even more, I sometimes tend to lose track of the real objective I started off with...I lose interest. Sustaining interest beyond a point at times becomes an uphill task. Why do I let it happen to me? Motivation is what I need to give myself. And I will. I am.

I might have flayed myself rather publicly today, written things I wd'nt have told anyone in the regular course, but that is what writing does to me..its brings out a totally different me...am not very garrulous generally, maybe a little restricted when it comes to expressing what I really feel, but hand me the pen, and I run on an altogether different tangent!! :D