To be honest, I don't have anything substantial to write right now...but the ennui of a languid evening is getting to me now...so here I am, in front of the computer, with absolutely no clue as to what these fingers will write!

But, one has to start somewhere! So I think I'll write about the novel that I have
just completed...lets see how the thoughts flow..the book is called One Night@ a Call Center...finished it at one go infact...6 hrs flat! Wow! Not bad! It is quite a rivetting piece of work..intelligently written...the high points of the novel are its humourous analogies and one liners..sometimes the author just prefers thinking aloud...

But that is not the only thing that strikes you about this book...though the general tenor of the novel is mostly funny, but there is a deeper thought that runs through it...something that made me think ( not that that is something which I never do!! Whatever gave u that idea! )...and that was about the things we fear in life...or what is that holds us back at times....simple questions, but try finding an answer and you enter a labyrinth...of your inner self...and you realise that in the quest of answering these questions, you are finding your own self...

What is it that I fear..that is the question that I decided to ask myself first...I made an attempt, though an unsuccessful one, to answer that...never realised a question as basic as that would be so difficult to answer...
but I need to find an answer..all of us need to...self appraisal is the best beacon light that we can give...to ourselves..

Being termed mediocre..being disregarded is what I fear...losing the ones that I love the most is what I fear...surviving on the crutches of fate, being dependant for existence...dying anonymous is what I fear...fear seems too mild a word for what I feel... these thoughts make me shudder...maybe that is a more honest expression of the tempest that brews in my mind...

No, my quest is'nt over yet...the journey has just started..there are many more questions that rattle my mind...they can't be left unheard..or unheeded...but let me guage myself better first, and then I shall write about them too...finding oneself is probably the most challenging job that I have ever undertaken..I'm sure you will not disagree.

its a nice saturday afternoon..rained today..almost ages since that last happened! nature seems to be breathing again..am reminded of a story by Anita Desai that i read while in school...one of the most poetic and expressive descriptions of a hot summer afternoon( maybe that is what it was called..but am not sure,so will not take a chance!)...wish i could write like that!

today is one of those few days when i've been let off from work early...ok...i'll be honest..its been even fewer days since i actually started working..ummm...about a week..but what the heck! this one week has extracted more from me than anything else i've ever done before! had it not been for the stipend that i have been promised..its measly alright..but its going to be my first paycheck so that off sets all the other 'ordeals' that a poor intern like me is being subjected to....don't i make a really sad picture?? like a cat on a hot tin roof? well,that certainly is not my purpose so let me write what an incredibly awesome 'learning experience' this one has been...

my first day taught me the greatest lesson in life..atleast a really crucial one if u're new to an office or worse still, to a job...and that was the art of waiting endlessly (and tirelessly..for your own good!) for excruciatingly long hours for the boss to arrive..he's a terribly overworked person u see..has to extricate himself from the innumerable engagements that he has...it hardly matters if he gave you an appointment as well... this endless waiting has to be borne with an 'i understand he is busy' look on your face whereas as on the other side of your mind..... u know what i mean...u've gone through it yourself..the boss can well do without all the wonderfully benign adjectives being inflicted on him!

and then 'the man' makes his majestic entry...the man needs no introduction..his imposing air says it all..not everyone can enter an office thinking its his backyard! swift is the word that can define my boss best..blink and u miss him...

ok..i know i'm not being fair to the guy..but thats because i have'nt yet written about my little formal rendezvous with him (yes! it did happen..finally!)...a sweet old man..no,not the kinds that will make you diabetic, but he did manage to allay my apprehensions( i did'nt say all!! but quite a few ,yes) of working at the place...don't think my ride is going to be all that bumpy after all.

MY TAKE ON RESERVATIONS...



As I set out to write this, I must make it amply known...since disclaimers are in vogue these days...that it is not intended, in any way, to be an undisputed critique of the reservation politics that seems to have bitten the nation or its disastrous ramifications so vehemently advocated by some...and I am sure that it will eventually not end up as one either.

Reservations, often construed, and erroneously at that, as the sole manifestation of Affirmative Action these days is not a novel concept to India for 1918 saw the first moorings of the policy in the Madras Presidency. But it no longer is 1918 and things are not as they used to be. Travel a couple of years and you enter 1980! One harmless looking year that was to change how India thought and acted. The Mandal Commission had arrived...for better or for worse is a question that has very deftly evaded the entire nation.

That Economic criteria should be the key deciding factor instead of the sole consideration of caste and that Primary Education should be strenghthened and effectively provided are issues that have been suggested, reiterated and harped upon ad nauseum.
So?! Is'nt that an echo of what we've always heard?! Each one of us appreciates the prudence of these propositions..but..and this is a very crucial but, for in this one word lies the irony and misfortune of Indian Politics and India's egalitarian future.

Policies have been made, social upliftment programmes formulated...but there is a fine line between Policies and Politics, which unforunately, has often been smeared to shameful extents.

Are our priorities right or are they grossly misplaced? That is a question the human conscience can answer best. Millions are denied the basic right to food, dying of hunger, starvation and infirmity. India enjoys the despicable honour of harbouring a fifth of the total world population of those who die before they achieve the age of five....I'm sure that is a distinction we can live without!
It is difficult to convince oneself how reservations will benefit this penurious lot...many of them will probably never reach the age where they might become eligible for the benefit they are entitled to.
Why is our perception of Affirmative Action confined to the miniscule domain of reservation?! Our very familiar Mr.Politics seems to be looming large again..but this time...its bordering on criminal.

One very often can't resist the temptation of referring to the success of Affirmative Action in the US. So, the obvious question is that if they can implement it there, and successfully as alleged, why can't we, who even otherwise have done an excellent job of imitating certain other things, things far less significant, do the same? What difference would one more adaptation make? Big deal!!

But Affirmative Action there, in sharp contradistinction to our system here, is optional. Universities have a free hand..it is not something which is forced down their throats. Affirmative Action there implies an exercise where a few representatives of ethnic groups like the Blacks, Latinos, American Indian and Hispanics are preferentially admitted to the universities...and the percentage there is certainly not 50%!! Advocates of reservation will definitely not like to refer to the diminutive percentage of such people that walk the corridors of the bastions of America's education.
Moreover, Affirmative Action there does not operate negatively against the majority(the whites)as it threatens to do in india.

A further perusal of the the efficacy of this much recommended policy and the revelations are startling! I'm sure we have not yet been able to erase from our minds the cataclysmic Katrina Hurricane which ravaged households and ruined lives..the social base of the victims showed an uncanny preponderance of those very ethnic groups which have been referred to as being the fortuitous beneficiaries of Affirmative Action. A large number of Blacks still live in ghettos, far from the comfortable and often ostentatious habitations of the Whites and other priveleged non Blacks.
Yes, Affirmative Action there has no doubt produced exemplary examples like Condoleezza Rice and Collin Powell, but we must not ignore the fact that they came from affluent families, definitely not the ones who would not have survived had it not been for state action.

So, the question that has followed us, with great persistence and diligence one must admit, still remains largely elusive...Are the people who really need a tool like reservation to provide an impetus to their life the ones who are actually benefitted?

We would like to believe that they are, but the writing is on the wall.





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